Invincible
by Seersha
Summary: Sometimes you think you're immortal. You start to think that the people around you are, too. It just takes a second to realise how wrong you are. Clark POV. Clois.


**TITLE:** Invincible

**AUTHOR:** Seersha

**RATING:** T

**PAIRING:** Clark/Lois

**SPOILERS:** Season 4

**DISTRIBUTION:** Please do not archive anywhere. It will be up at FF if you would like to link to it.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own these characters (obviously) and no copyright infringement is intended. No profit is made from this fanfiction.

**TIMELINE: **AU fic set around season 5.

**SUMMARY:** "Sometimes you think you're immortal. You start to think that the people around you are, too. It just takes a second to realize how wrong you are." Clark POV.

**NOTE:** Originally published April 2005.

.-.-.

"What happened?"

"Lois almost died today."

Sometimes in his dreams Clark would find himself surrounded by people in pain calling to him for help. In his dreams he always saved them all. Every single time. Not because he always saved everyone in reality, but because Clark didn't want another nightmare about nameless faces and cries of desperation he couldn't do anything about. So in his dreams Clark was the hero who never failed. In his dreams, Clark was invincible.

((Don't worry Lois, I'll save you, because that's what I do.))

Clark was afraid of what he would see when he closed his eyes tonight. A nightmare was hovering near the edges of his thoughts and he wasn't sure he wanted to sleep ever again. In his dreams tonight, he'd relive today. When he fell asleep, Clark was scared he wouldn't be invincible anymore.

((I am a hero, but how can I be? Lois almost died today.))

He had never felt rawer, more vulnerable and he hated the feeling. It wasn't natural because he was used to keeping some kind of wall up between himself and the outside world. Clark never really questioned why or when that wall had come into existence, maybe it had always been there and he just hadn't been aware of it until now. In this moment, when it crashed to pieces, he wished for it back. His parents were looking at him with almost identical expressions. No words were needed, he heard them loud and clear.

((You don't understand. I almost didn't save her. Lois could have died today.))

The sound of the phone ringing broke the heavy silence and Clark was glad. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't find the words. Today started out like any other day, but now it wasn't, because today Lois almost died. He turned away as his father reluctantly went to answer the phone. Clark felt his mother's eyes on him as he walked out of the room and up the stairs, but he didn't look back.

His bedroom was too bright and the sun was too warm. It looked so beautiful outside and that made him unexpectedly angry. If there were dark clouds in the sky, if it was raining then maybe that would be okay. Instead everything looked like it did yesterday. Nothing had changed, except that everything was different.

((Nothing will be the same again, because Lois almost died today.))

The desk was covered with papers from last night's study session, which made them an easy target and Clark couldn't stop himself from sweeping them off onto the floor angrily. Amongst the mess he spotted Lois's latest newspaper article. He bent to pick it up and as he read the words softly to himself, they burned in his head. It was something tangible and real, a confirmation that Lois existed in the world. Clark closed his eyes and gripped the piece of paper tightly. Lois still existed in the world and she was going to be okay. Lois was alive today.

((Today Lois is alive, but what about tomorrow? She might die tomorrow.))

Clark needed to do something. Anything. What he really wanted was to see Lois. To just look at her and be absolutely certain that she was alright. Chloe was with her though and Clark wasn't sure he should intrude. As much as he was Chloe's best friend and - well, whatever he was to Lois - he wasn't family or anything of the sort. Sighing, Clark looked out the window again. The sky was still perfectly blue. Rushing outside before his parents could object, he took off into the sky. There was something he could do, something no one else in the world could do. He could fly.

((When I fly, I feel invincible.))

He didn't think about where he was going particularly, he just let the wind take him. He landed softly and looked around as he realized that this was the spot where Lois had almost died. Of course there was no evidence of a near death. No evidence of the pain Clark had felt the moment it registered that in one second Lois could be dead if he didn't reach her in time.

That moment flashed in his mind and he shook his head. Her face in that moment was forever carved into his memories. Lois had looked terrified in a way Clark didn't even know was possible for her. She was always so strong and confident, flinging words at him like they were bullets and letting his words bounce off her chest like they had no impact. He was constantly amazed at the little smile of satisfaction that always came after she'd kicked butt, as Lois reveled in the thrill.

It wasn't hard to wonder sometimes if she had a death wish, since she never seemed to fear diving head first into any situation. But that moment of horror showed Clark that Lois didn't want to die, and all those times she chased after the challenge hadn't been about death. Maybe it was just that she really wanted to live, and what better way than to rush into life without a second thought. Suddenly, he wished he was more like her.

((How can she not be afraid? I've never been so scared in all my life. Lois almost died today.))

Clark decided that he had to be going crazy. He couldn't stop thinking about Lois and the fact that she'd almost died today. It was absurd. He rescued people nearly every day. Hell, he'd rescued his parents, Lana, Chloe, Lex and Pete and even though they'd all almost died on different days, it wasn't like today.

Lois had almost died before and still today wasn't like those other days, either. He wasn't sure he wanted to find the answer as to why that was, but Clark thought that today might just the beginning. Maybe there would be many days like today, days when Lois would almost die and Clark would save her just in time. Those 'almosts' could haunt him forever.

((Why should it make sense? Lois almost died today, so maybe it's okay to go crazy.))

This place was making his head throb. Clark scrubbed a hand over his face, shook his head to try and clear it and turned to look into the distance. Suddenly he saw Lois there, smiling softly at him. She was walking towards him slowly, barefoot, dressed in dark blue jeans and a yellow shirt. He'd seen the outfit on her before, earlier today. He blinked, wondering what trick his brain was playing but Lois didn't disappear. She stopped a couple of feet away from him and just stared, still smiling. It couldn't be real, Clark knew that, but as the moments trickled by he wasn't sure he cared.

Finally, he had to speak. "You almost died today."

She nodded. Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but the words echoed around him. "You saved me. I'm alive today." Lois paused, eyes unblinking as she continued to gaze at him. Her eyes seemed to be looking right through him and Clark felt strangely uncomfortable. "You're not invincible," she said as her smile faded.

((I don't feel invincible. Lois makes me feel human.))

Clark faltered; he hadn't expected her to say that. A cool rage began to flow through him and Clark was suddenly angry at her. It was abrupt and misplaced, but Clark didn't try to quench it. How dare she act as if he was making a big deal of things? Lois had almost died today, and damn, she had no right to almost die. Not today and not ever.

Clark didn't want her to die and every time he thought about the moment she almost did, he felt pain down to his bones. Now here she was, smiling at him and telling him that it was okay because she was alive. How was Clark supposed to act as if almost dying meant nothing when he was finding out that it meant everything?

((Lois almost died today and I almost died with her.))

"You almost died today." He had to repeat the words to make sure she understood their meaning. It was a sentence that wouldn't leave him alone, the words just kept doing circles over and over in his head. Lois had to know what he meant, because she'd almost died today.

Lois let a smile come to her face again and reached out her arm to him. She faced her palm upwards, offering her hand. Clark looked down at her hand, mouth slightly open in confusion. He knew she didn't speak out loud, but her voice vibrated gently through his head as if she had.

((Don't worry Clark, I'll save you, because that's what I do.))

His head snapped up and suddenly Lois wasn't there any more. There was nothing but a deadly silence. Clark stared into the distance and realized that it was dark now. He wondered where the time had gone.

((Today is almost finished. Soon I'll have to think, 'Lois almost died yesterday.'))

His parents would be worrying themselves sick, so Clark leaped into the air to head home. It was a simple, straight route. Everything was a simple, straight route when you could fly, but halfway there Clark realized he couldn't go home without passing Chloe's place first. He had to see Lois, even if only for a second, just to be sure that she was okay.

When he reached Chloe's house the lights were still on. He hovered a good ten feet away and peered in through one of the downstairs windows. Chloe and Lois were in the lounge area, bowls of food in their laps as they ate and talked. The scene felt strange and surreal to watch. Lois was laughing at something Chloe said and Chloe was smiling. It was so normal it was heartbreaking.

((Lois almost died today, but she's laughing tonight. How is that right?))

Lois would never know the pain Clark felt deep in his chest. He wasn't even sure he understood it himself, but he knew that it meant something profound. He wanted all the people he loved to be alive forever. He wanted Lois to be alive forever, too, and today was the first day he knew it. It wasn't possible, no one could live forever, but he wanted it anyway.

Clark wished he could tell Lois it all; how it wasn't fair that she had almost died and how his world seemed bleak when he thought of losing her. Lois was still smiling at Chloe, looking relaxed and happy. Clark's heart felt lighter and he didn't know if words existed to describe the feeling of how glad he was that she was alive.

((Why did it take Lois almost dying for me to realize what she means to me?))

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he watched Lois and Chloe for another minute. He finally turned away and headed home. He still wasn't looking forward to falling asleep tonight. He wondered if he would still be a hero in his dreams. It mattered for some reason. He had almost failed Lois today, so he hoped that tonight, if he dreamed of saving people, he'd save Lois as well. He hoped that in his dreams, he was still invincible.

((I'm not invincible. I can't save everyone, but I hope I can always save Lois.))

Clark clicked the front door shut as quietly as he could. He didn't know how late it was but he didn't want to disturb his parents if they were already asleep. He shouldn't have been surprised to see them both still up waiting for his return, but he was. They all stared at each other for a minute and Clark didn't try to put his wall back up. He let them see his face, maybe even his soul, and realized that it was alright. Lois had almost died today, but he had saved her. Now he needed to find a way to save himself. Finally, his mother walked over and embraced him. Clark closed his eyes tightly and wound his arms around her.

Martha's voice was soft in his ear. "Are you okay?"

"No. Lois almost died today."

.-.-.

END


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